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Ok so do me a favor. Tell me how I can know for sure that when I die I will go to Heaven.
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Ok…I don’t want you to take this the wrong way. I am not avoiding your question but rather I am trying to direct your attention to something I consider MORE important than the “reward.” It isn’t that I am avoiding your question, it is that I don’t think your question is important. Not in the I-think-you-are-refuse-tossed-upon-the-shore-and-the-vermin-are-going-to-get-you-so-why-should-I-bother kind of unimportant but rather in the sense of gently trying to redirect your attention to a different way of looking at things.
I don’t care if I am going to heaven. Ok…that’s not entirely true. I do care. But it just doesn’t matter any more. Jesus has FREED ME. He paid the price and I know that so I can stop worrying. I am a filthy rotten sinner and he loves me enough to let me know that. He gripped me in His Grace and I grabbed back. I hung on. All the while I am looking in His eyes and He is telling me how much He loves me. I look at the cross and to his victory and I say “Thank you!! I didn’t deserve that.” But then I say, “Now what?” Will you help me to serve you? I know I can never be worth that, but will you help me try anyway? All the while He shows me me where my sinful scars remain and the places that need cleaning still. He shows me the people He loves and asks me to feed them. To hold their hands. To cry with them. He says….”Will you be my hands? My feet?” And I say, “I’m not worthy. I am sure I won’t do it right, but I’ll try. Will you help me?” And He does.
No. I am not going to heaven when I die. I AM IN HEAVEN NOW! It may not feel like it. I may not see it. But I trust Him. He took care of the details. In the meantime, I keep my eyes fixed on Him and try (As He enables) to “Do whatever He tells me.” to stand before Him in prayer and say “I am the handmaid of the Lord, let it be done to me according to thy word.” I don’t pray to get to heaven. I am already there. I don’t go to Mass to get to heaven. I go Mass to worship alongside the angels. The Sacraments He gave me, pull me closer still. They draw me closer and daily reduce the desire for this “living sacrifice” to jump off the altar or avoid the knife. As I am drawn further still into heaven, as the old self continues to burn away I am ever less likely to turn around and pick up the familiar ways of the dead self. And in THAT sense, these things “save” me. Not because they substitute for the price HE paid but rather that they help me to kill that part of me that would drag me back and away.
So what do I say to you who so badly want to get to heaven? Why aren’t you already there? He paid the price so that now your life can be either a journey closer to Him or not…and the price He paid makes the living matter. Live the life He has made possible and stop worrying about the reward at the journey’s end. Are you as close to heaven on earth as you should be? Are you living the faith as He set out in scripture? Because Jason, in my opinion, it is more about life than death.