I’ve been asked by someone to describe what sacramental confession looks like. She’s curious to know whether or not it looks like the movies. It’s a topic that comes up regularly in the Catholic Spitfire Grill (you’re welcome to join us!) as those who are journeying towards full communion with the Catholic Church approach the confessional for the first times in their lives.
It’s a scary sacrament. I know it’s not supposed to be but it is. We have to mortify our pride and not only admit our sin but go looking for it! It’s one thing to have a general idea of one’s sinfulness, but it’s a whole ‘nuther kettle of fish when you commit to go looking for it. It’s also scary because whether or not you are doing it “right” is a matter of faith. You don’t get to watch other people confess. You don’t have anything to compare it to. You have to swallow your pride and just do the best you can.
So this is what I’ve learned about making a good confession. I am not offering this because I am any sort of authority but rather because I am not. I hate the feeling that I am not doing it “right”….pride no doubt with a little vanity thrown in. I am also hopeful that this might be helpful for those who are approaching the confessional for the first time, or haven’t been in a long time. In a sense I have learned all of this from “watching other people” because most of what I’ve learned about confession comes from the prayers of the Saints and the writings of other holy men and women. You can read what the Catechism of the Catholic Church has to say about the Sacrament of Reconciliation here.
You know what? On the surface the Sacrament of Reconciliation often looks a lot like it is portrayed in the movies. But there is much more lurking below the surface.
Step 1: Preparation in Prayer for Illumination of Conscience
Technically the only sins that a Catholic must confess in sacramental reconciliation are mortal sins and we are required to go to sacramental confession at least once a year. Those are the minimum requirements. It is strongly recommended that we confess our more serious venial sins. (CCC on mortal vs. venial sins) One thing that is different than the movies that isn’t always clear is that we are obligated to make a thorough examination of conscience. We’ve got to go looking for those sins and we must not deliberately conceal anything (CCC). (Forgetfulness is understood to be a universal human failing.) We’ve also got to be sorry for our sins and be determined not to do it again. ( CCC 1451)
Therefore, the most important part of making a good confession is prayer. Confession is not possible without the action of Holy Spirit in our lives. It is simply not possible to even know where we have offended God without His light to show us. It certainly takes an act of God to make me sorry for some of my my sins as my family and friends will tell you. I have often been teased that I will need to confess something to which my usual rejoinder is “I can’t confess it, if I’m not sorry.” (This is in jest….mostly.) So the first step in making a good confession is to take some time…maybe even a lot of time… to pray and ask God to show you where you have offended Him. I recommend making this be a quiet time away from distractions. If you are fortunate enough to have a chapel of Perpetual Adoration nearby, it is especially suitable to sit with Our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament to pray. Here are a couple of prayers that I use for this time of preparation:
Prayer of St. Thomas Aquinas
To Thee, O God, the fount of mercy, I draw near a sinner. From my unncleaness, therefore deign Thou to cleanse me. Enlighten my blindness, O sun of justice; bind up my wounds, O eternal physician. Thou King of kings, clothe my nakedness; lead me back, good shepherd, to the fold from which I have strayed; Thou mediator between God and man, clear away my guilt. Have pity, O God on my misery; grant indulgence to my crimes; restore me life for death, virtue for impiety, and to my obduracy apply Thy saving grace. O Thou most clement one, call me back fleeing from Thee, draw me when resisting, raise me when I fall, support me having risen, and lead me as I walk. Do not forget me when I forget Thee nor turn Thou away when I forsake Thee; despise me not in the midst of my sins. By sinning I have offended Thee, my God, I have injured my neighbor, I have wounded myself. By my very weakness, O my God, have I sinned against Thee, the Father almighty; out of my ignorance, against Thee, meek Spirit of God. Thus have I offended Thee, most excellent Trinity. Alas for my misery! How many and what great faults of divers kinds I have committed! I have abandoned Thee, O Lord; I have murmured against Thy goodness; and when confronted by base pleasure, or deterred by misfortune, I have preferred rather to lose Thee than to forego the things that allure, to offend Thee than to incur the things that I fear. O my God, how far I have gone astray in word and deed! I have sinned in secret and in public contumaciously. Hence, I beseech Thee that, because of my weakness, Thou wilt not regard my iniquity, but Thine own immense goodness, and bestowing upon me sorrow for the past and care for the future, wilt mercifully forgive what I have done.
Prayer of St. Gertrude
O sweetest Jesus, Who in Thy loving desire for our salvation hast instituted the Sacrament of Penance for the consolation of sinners, that by its virtue we might be cleansed from our iniquities and recover the graces we have lost; behold me, a most wretched sinner, who have offended Thee again by many sins and defiled my soul with many stains, now come back once more to Thee, resolving to receive this most munificient Sacrament with the steadfast hope that Thou wilt grant me the remission of all my sins, to accuse myself with profound humility and contrition of soul before the priest, Thy representative, of all and each of my sins, in so far as I can recall them to my mind; nor will I knowingly hide any mortal sin, however vile and shameful it may be.
I desire to include in this Confession all those sins which I cannot now recall to my memory and all my venial sins. I confess them all to Thee as to my great High Priest; and in the presence of all the court of Heaven, I avow and proclaim myself a perfidious wretch and traitor against Thine adorable Majesty.
I beseech Thee, therefore, O most merciful Father, that Thou wouldst vouchsafe to look on me, a miserable sinner, with that eye of compassion wherewith Thou didst look upon Thy Son when He fell on His face in the Garden of Olives, crushed to the earth by the sins of all mankind, and graciously to hear me while I implore Thy pardon. And to supply what is lacking to my most imperfect contrition, I offer Thee that overwhelming grief which Thine only-begotten Son endured throughout His life while on earth in His sweetest Heart by reason of the sins of the world, and especially when in the Garden of Olives the extremity of His anguish wrung from Him the sweat of Blood; beseeching Thee that Thou wouldst cleanse my soul from all its defilements in that most holy stream of His Precious Blood, and adorn it with a purity whiter than snow. Amen.
Prayer for Examination of Conscience
O God, Father of Light, who enlightenest everyone that comes into this world, give me light, love and sorrow, that I may discover, detest and confess all the sins I have committed.
O Holy Spirit, Spirit of Love and Dispenser of all graces, help me to receive this great Sacrament worthily; give me Thy grace that I may make a careful examination of conscience and discover my sins; touch my heart that I may hate and detest them, and assist me to make a firm resolution to avoid sin henceforth.
Spirit of Love and Truth, assist me to make a sincere, entire and truthful Confession to The representative, the priest, and thus obtain Thy forgiveness, Thy grace and Thy love.
O Jesus, my Redeemer, through Thy most holy merits, grant the grace heartfelt contrition and amendment of life. To Thee I look for the grace to make this Confession well, that I may glorify Thee.
O most holy Virgin Mary. Mother, thou who art so compassionate towards those who desire to repent, help me to call to mind all my offenses and to be truly sorry for having offended God.
My dear Guardian Angel, who has been a witness of my sins, help me now to recall them and to be truly sorry for them. All you Saints and Angels of Heaven, pray for me that I may not bring forth fruits worthy of penance.
Step 2: Examination of Conscience
There are a gazillion ways to do this. Use the Ten Commandments. Use the Beatitudes. Use the Corporal and Spiritual Works of Mercy. Use the Precepts of the Church or Capital Sins..scroll down. Use any number of examens written for particular liturgical seasons…Advent or Lent (Lenten examen opens in PDF). There are multiple books and pamphlets for this purpose as well. Scott Hahn’s book Lord Have Mercy: The Healing Power of Confession has a good examen at the back.
For my personal Examination of Conscience I have put together a number of examens that I like and put them all on my PDA. I have a small notebook that I keep the “results” of my examen in along with the date of each confession. It helps me to see where my most serious sins are and theoretically helps to encourage me as I see that with the help of God’s Grace, I am overcoming. I’ll let you know if that ever happens. I am sure that God’s Grace is sufficient…if only I was better at making room for it in my life.
Step 3: Confession
Here is where things may actually start to look like the movies. There are still old fashioned confessionals like you see in the movies….my parish has them…in newer churches or extensively re-modeled ones, the penitent usually has the choice of confessing anonymously or confessing face-to-face to the priest. The general script goes pretty much like you see in the movies too. Depending on the form of the confessional you enter and either sit or kneel. You make the sign of the cross and say “Forgive me (bless me) Father for I have sinnned. It has been [period of time] since my last confession.” Then tell him what the Holy Spirit has helped you discover in your prayer and examination of conscience. It isn’t necessary to go into detail unless the priest requests it. It is necessary to give a general idea of any aggravating circumstances that increase or lessen the severity of the sin. For example, stealing an apple from a wealthy person is a sin but it is not as serious a sin as stealing an apple from a starving person. Likewise stealing an apple just for fun is more serious than stealing an apple because you are starving. Give the priest a general idea of the number of times and the severity of your mortal sins and your most pressing venial sins. Generally at the end of your confession (and you can bring in a written list if it helps. I certainly do!) you signal that you are done by saying something like, “For these and all of my others sins I am most sincerely sorry.”
The seal of the confessional is absolute. Priests are required to accept death before breaking the seal of the confessional. If a priest does break the seal, only the Pope can grant him absolution. You can tell him everything.
Step 4: Advice and Absolution
The priest at this point may ask a few questions to determine the severity (or not) of your sins. He may also inquire about life circumstances that may have some bearing on your confession. He may also some spiritual counsel to offer. This is particularly true if you have established a relationship with a particular confessor. He will give you a penance which usually takes the form of a prayer or some other good work. Usually the penance will relate to the sins you have confessed. If you confess that you have been been angry or spoken unkindly of someone, the penance may very well be to pray for or do something nice for those people. (If there is some reason that you cannot perform the penance, you should tell the priest! For example, I had one priest who knew I was a convert, ask me if it was all right with me before assigning the recitation of the rosary as a penance.) Then the priest will pronounce absolution. The priest will extend his hand toward you and if you are confessing in a face-to-face situation he may place his hand on your head, and pronounce the words of absolution,
“I absolve you from your sins, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.”
The priest uses the personal pronoun “I” because he is acting in persona Christi. Jesus forgives sins and it is Jesus who is acting through the priest.
Step 5: Thanksgiving and Penance
First, take a moment to spend more time in prayer and thank god for the gift of forgiveness and mercy.
Psalm 103
Bless the LORD, my soul; all my being, bless his holy name!
Bless the LORD, my soul; do not forget all the gifts of God,
Who pardons all your sins, heals all your ills,
Delivers your life from the pit, surrounds you with love and compassion,
Fills your days with good things; your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.
The LORD does righteous deeds, brings justice to all the oppressed.
His ways were revealed to Moses, mighty deeds to the people of Israel.
Merciful and gracious is the LORD, slow to anger, abounding in kindness.
God does not always rebuke, nurses no lasting anger,
Has not dealt with us as our sins merit, nor requited us as our deeds deserve.
As the heavens tower over the earth, so God’s love towers over the faithful.
As far as the east is from the west, so far have our sins been removed from us.
As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on the faithful.
For he knows how we are formed, remembers that we are dust.
Our days are like the grass; like flowers of the field we blossom.
The wind sweeps over us and we are gone; our place knows us no more.
But the LORD’S kindness is forever, toward the faithful from age to age.
He favors the children’s children of those who keep his covenant,
who take care to fulfill its precepts.
The LORD’S throne is established in heaven; God’s royal power rules over all.
Bless the LORD, all you angels, mighty in strength and attentive, obedient to every command.
Bless the LORD, all you hosts, ministers who do God’s will.
Bless the LORD, all creatures, everywhere in God’s domain.
Bless the LORD, my soul!
Prayer of Thanksgiving by St. Gertrude
O Almighty and merciful God, whose mercy is boundless, and the riches of whose goodness are infinite, I give Thee thanks with all my mind and heart for the amazing and exceeding goodness which Thou hast now shown me in so graciously pardoning all my sins and restoring me to Thy grace and favor. Blessed me Thy Divine compassion, O my God, and blessed me the incomprehensible love of Thy beloved Son, which constrained Him to institute so gentle and so mighty a remedy for our sins. Wherefore, in union with all the thanksgivings which have ever ascended to Thee from truly penitent hearts, I sing aloud Thy glad praises on behalf of all in Heaven, on earth and in Purgatory, forever and ever. Amen.
As soon as possible after receiving absolution, perform the penance that has been assigned. Alll of the prayers I have listed are just suggestions. There are others out there. You don’t really even need to do anything other than say “Thank you” to Our Lord, and perform your penance but these are often the prayers that I use….
Prayer before Performing the Sacramental Penance by St. Gertrude
Since I have so grievously insulted Thee, O most tender and loving God, by my many sins and negligences, I am now ready to make perfect satisfaction to Thy Divine Justice to the utmost of my ability. To this end I will faithfully and most reverently perform the penance appointed me by my confessor in Thy Name. Would that I could perform it with such great devotion and love as to give Thee an honor and delight greater than the insult and outrage of my sins! That this may be so, I unite and blend my penance with all the works of satisfaction which Thy beloved Son accomplished during the thirty-three years of His life on earth; and in union with His fastings, His watching, and His prayers, I offer this my penance and my prayer. Look, therefore, O most loving Father, on me, Thy most bounden debtor, now prostrate before Thy feet, desiring to make Thee adequate satisfactions and reparation for all the insults and injuries I have offered Thee, and grant me strength and the grace to say this prayer according to Thy most holy will. Amen.
(Perform sacramental penance)
O most loving Father, I offer Thee my Confession and my satisfaction in union with all the acts penance which have ever been offered to the glory of Thy holy name; beseeching Thee to accept it, and to render it availing it through the merits of the Passion of Thy beloved Son, and through the intercession of the Blessed Virgin Mary and of all the holy Apostles, Martyrs, Confessors and Virgins. Whatever has been lacking to me in sincere and earnest preparation, in perfect contrition, in frank and clear confession, I commend to the most loving Heart of Thine only begotten Son, that Treasury of all good and all grace, from whose overflowing abundance all debts to Thee are fully acquitted; that through It all my negligences and defects in the reception of this most holy Sacrament may be fully and perfectly supplied, to Thine everlasting praise and glory, and that Thou mayest effectually absolve me in Heaven, even as Thy minister has, with Thine authority, absolved me here on earth, through Christ our Lord. Amen.
Step 6: Pray for Your Confessor
It’s a difficult job. Confessionals are not usually comfortable places and he’s in the confessional a lot longer than the penitents are. It’s difficult to listen to the weaknesses of others and not dwell on your own. So pray for your confessor. Because I said so….
A Prayer for One’s Confessor
In asking of Thee, O my God, the graces of which I am in need, can I, without ingratitude, forget before Thee, him whom thou has chosen from among Thy ministers, to reconcile me to Thee by the sacrament of penance, justly called the second plank after shipwreck? Deign, I beseech Thee, O my God, to adorn his soul with the virtues befitting the functions of the awful ministry with which Thou hast invested him. Grant him the faith of St. Peter, the charity of St. Paul, the firmness of St. Chrysostom, the evangelical liberty of St. Ambrose, the lights of St. Augustine, the piety of St. Bernard, the zeal of St. Charles Borromeo, the mildness of St. Francis de Sales, and the humility of St. Vincent de Paul. Guide him Thyself, O Lord, in all his actions, that after having been here below a prudent and faithful dispenser of Thy mysteries, he may hereafter receive from Thy bountiful hands, the bright crown Thou hast promised in a blessed eternity, to the priests who shall have consecrated their lives to bring back their fellow creatures from the ways of error, and to conduct them in the paths of justice and peace. Amen.
